Monday, July 14, 2014

Finding Calm

I have an old friend, who, after experiencing her fair share of losses and difficulties conceiving, is now comfortably at the end of her third trimester.  If anyone understands what it is like to try again after disappointment after disappointment it is her. So the other day when we were chatting on the phone I asked what it is like to finally be in a place where she can breathe a sigh of relief. My friend laughed uncontrollably at the sentiment. She said while getting to where she is now has been a bit like almost finishing a marathon, it has not been an easy road staying calm. During her first trimester she spent an inordinate amount of time constantly checking in on the state of her pregnancy symptoms. I laughed because I knew exactly what she was talking about as I have found myself in the past doing the same thing. You inconspicuously (hopefully) check your breasts to make sure they still hurt, you track whether you really are tired- were you as tired today as you were yesterday? What if I am less tired? And how come I am not nauseous? I want to be nauseous! Those pregnancy symptoms are the glue that keeps you and your sanity together. She also laughed when she talked about the hours she spent waiting for "the phone call", the weekly calls from her nurse giving her the HCG update, and how she would cover her eyes during every sonogram appointment, scared of what might be revealed. Every minute of everyday was pure paranoia, not exactly a great way to spend nine months. So in the end, how the hell did she get through it?  My amazing friend finally realized that she already suffered the worst kind of pain and sadness and was ready to experience hope and joy. It was simple as that. There was no option to zero in on the "what if's", because she had already been there. Worrying about the worst case scenario was a silly waste of time since it had been something she lived through and knew all too well. What she didn't know was the best case scenario, the happy ending- which is where she put all her focus and energy. There were moments of anxiety along the way, but during those small breakdowns she found a way to summon her energy and bring her attention back to the good stuff. Such a better way to live!

- Jennifer


  1. Inspiring thoughts Jen - takes courage, but you're right - what's the alternative? Reminds me of a favorite mantra: "worrying is suffering twice."

  2. Brilliant. Though so much easier said than done at times!